The Wandering-Mind

“An honest man’s pillow is his peace of mind, and when we lie down on ours at night, no matter who’s in our bed, we all sleep alone.”

Matthew McConaughey

The totality of a dilapidated state of mind is neither palpable nor truly understood. Only upon self-reflection and truth can one define their path to peace. We must travel over a causeway that separates truth and emotion. Emotions are endless, while truth is finite.

I have grappled with mental health for as long as I can recall. I have wrestled with the internal struggles aimlessly while allowing the effects to be drawn out externally. The search for meaning and exclusivity in my journey yielded varying results that cascaded me into the abyss of darkness. I learned behaviors that rendered me a prisoner of relentless cycles. I relied on negative communication within myself, not understanding the severity of the outcome that negative communication would bear. I would disagree with anyone who stated they suffer too and understand. I would only see the differences and not the similarities listening with a closed heart and a closed mind.

I discovered that the quality of communication within myself had a profound effect on my mental wellness. I came to realize that if I didn’t accept a negative answer but asked a higher-quality question of myself, I would receive a higher-quality answer. If the answer I got was not an all-out pleasing answer, I would still find quality reasoning that leaves me content. I came to understand that by bettering my communication with myself, I was also improving my quality of life.

Having mental health deficiencies can leave us feeling ousted. I do understand the struggle as I, too, struggle along the same path. While our paths are not the same, they run parallel to one another. I am not a unique person. I found these tools by sheer will and necessity. They aren’t beat all end all, nor do they mean I’m happy all of the time. They, along with many other tools I’ve acquired throughout my journey, have aided in my ability to lay my head down on my pillow with some peace of mind.